today i listened to an instrumental song to and from work. currently it is the most fitting background i can think of. often it is difficult to find something to listen to on the daily commute. i am a picky soundtrack creator. i do not pick at random, i do not playlist, i do not shake to shuffle. typically i find that when i wake there has already been a song or album chosen for the day. i do not dictate this. my dreams decide for me. this is both good and bad. the advent of the all in one device has solved a lot of my problems; including those i did not know i had. i enjoy having my phone/email/media/internet/camera in one together place but it does conflict with my morning commute. space is a limited commodity these days (specifically in manhattan) and my all in one is no exception. i have more music than disk space. i have to anticipate my morning musical needs. this becomes difficult. if one cannot set the correct tone, then one feels a bit off. perhaps off tempo. today was not the case, but yesterday was. and that’s pretty much what my whole year has felt like. a bit off. slightly off tempo. out of key. similar to when it looks like you will start your day with one song, and for whatever reason you can’t. i didn’t think i was going to talk about the new year but apparently i wanted to. it’s funny what rambling can do when set to music. i will not miss this year. i will not remember this year wistfully. i will, however, look at this year with resolve. i will be thankful for what i’ve learned. i will cherish the few good moments and those who’ve made them possible this year. i will mourn what i’ve lost this year. and with that, i will turn to face the next year.
“Endings are never easy. I always build them up so much in my head that they can’t possibly live up to my expectations and I just end up disappointed. I’m not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end. I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important. That people hang on to our every word, that they care what we think. The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better.”—
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”—
Happy Holidays. Give your loved ones a big damn hug.