“The feeling of needing to accomplish something stems from dissatisfaction with the present. With this mindset, the whole idea of achieving is to become something. On the surface, it may seem like you’re doing something positive, but there’s a subtle undercurrent of rejection of what is. Rejection of yourself.” - Illuminated Mind
i’m somewhat done with this whole “winter” thing. although it was nice enough outside today to wear a light jacket, and no socks, it still rained all day. to which i am not a fan of. i want it to be warm. i want to leave my apartment and walk down a sunny street. i want to wear nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. also shoes. always shoes.
using the photo below as evidence, i am hereby appointing my brother to the title of “captain nostalgic”
oh man, does this take me back. when brother and i were little boys, we had a whole mess of turtle and turtle related toys. we even had the turtle van, though both of us were always jealous of our cousin dusty because he had the technodrome, a xanadu of sorts to the hill boys. anyway, since we were brothers and into the same sort of things, my momma always had to buy two of everything. while there were only four turtles, our house had eight, and so on. the best part was that since i was the oldest brother, i made the argument that all of brother’s toys had to have an “m” (for Mike) written in sharpie underneath each foot of all of his action figures. i still think back to that and smile. my brother had to put up with a lot of my shit.
often times, the right amount of whiskey and a damn good day will sometimes cause introspection. this would be one of those times. i feel like you’ve gotten a pretty good chance through this very tumblr to get to know me and what i enjoy/find funny/think about, but i’m not sure i’ve put anything relatively personal on here. so this would be it. an about me, as it were:
i moved to the biggest apple in the summer of 2007. july 31 to be exact. my mommy trekked all the way across the country to move her oldest son into his apartment. three months prior my brother and i had moved back home to spend the summer with momma, and i’ve never eaten more in my entire life. needless to say i was chubby. but i digress, anyway, we got to la guardia late at night and waited for a very long time to get my four oversized and over packed suitcases. my whole new life in black suitcases that missed the connecting flight to new york. incidentally i was not happy. i called my dad and told him that it was new york: one, tom: zero. dad told me that it would be fine. i did not concur. however, mommy was there and she went and talked to people and assured me that everything was going to be okay. i wanted to believe her, but secretly did not. at the time of moving i was the most glass half empty and pessimistic i had ever been. but still, she put on the save the day face and we left to go to the hotel. (my apartment wasn’t ready until the next day)
so we went to the hotel. it was nice and i had sort of forgotten about my luggage because the cab ride into new york always makes me breathless. i was going to be living here. i could not believe it. mommy and i walked around a bit and had dinner and then settled in to go to bed. we had a long day ahead of us. around three in the morning, mom’s cell phone started blowing up. turns out it was this dude, (an eskimo) in a large van who was driving all over the city delivering the luggage that had missed the flight. i now had my whole life in luggage sitting next to me and my momma saying, “see, i told you everything was okay.” momma is usually right. i slept very well.
the next day was big and took forever. we got me all moved in and though it was exhausting, it was a lot of fun. i will never forget that momma bribed some dude who lived in my building with a pack of smokes to help me move my fifty pound plus suitcases up the four flights of stairs into my apartment. it was awesome. dude barely spoke english but lugged those bags like you wouldn’t believe. we spent the weekend making my apartment a home and had a great cab ride back from macy’s on 34th. the trunk was filled with all the stuff that mommy felt i needed. as a dude, i didn’t really think about it, but that’s why mom’s are the best. anyway, the weekend went by and we had a lot of fun. when momma had to go to the airport i went with her. we had lunch in the airport and then it came time to say goodbye. i cried. mom cried. we decided that we were never going to take each other to the airport anymore. it’s worked out well since then.
over the next three months i stayed primarily in my apartment. i didn’t have a job or friends, so i just enjoyed being where i was. i knew that i needed to be doing something, but this was the first time i had to be alone and not going to school, so it was a vacation of sorts. part of me wishes that i explored more of the city, but i now know that i’m not going anywhere soon, so it’s okay. around the end of october i realized that i really needed a job. i found an ad on craigslist about working for this particular fruit company. i answered and was called later to come in for an interview. it went well and i was hired. the next three months were literally life changing. i got to be a part of something bigger than i could have imagined and it absolutely changed my life.
this is the part where i tell you who i was:
when i was living in reno, nevada, i was a different person. i was trapped, i was angry, i was depressed, i was completely shitty to be around. i always looked at the wrong side of things and was always sure that nothing ever worked out. i was convinced that nothing ever mattered and that whatever anyone did it was always for the wrong reasons. i was not awesome. i believed that this is who i was. when i was a kid, my dad would call me the humorless boy. it translated into adulthood. i really just wasn’t that fun to be around. it was unfortunate, but what i also believed to be my default setting.
fast forward to all of 2008. the year that changed my life. working for this specific company and living where i did and making the friends that i did, quite literally brought about a change in me that i will always be grateful for. i found that life wasn’t what i thought it was. that there was so much out there. it sounds cliche, but really, it happened. truth be told, i embarrassingly love my job and the life that i’ve built here. mommy visited last september and told me that i was actually fun to be around. that i had finally gotten rid of whatever it was that made me so unhappy. it made sense. one never knows what things can be like when you change all of your scenery. the thing is, i was so convinced that nothing would ever change, i didn’t know it would actually happen.
so here i am in 2009:
i spent and incredible new years eve with someone, and had a chance to reflect on what my life has now become. i am happy, i am fun to be around, i am, in fact, awesome. when i tell people the story of how i got to where i am, they invariably say that they cannot imagine me being surly and depressing. i am now a puppy. i am impossibly optimistic. i am happier than i have ever been. it’s weird. it’s refreshing. it’s my default setting.
this is the thing:
life is always changing. life is always challenging. life is what you make it.
you will never realize how unhappy you are until you aren’t anymore.
the picture below neatly sums up the entirety of my childhood and how i feel about my adult life. my brother found this picture, shared it with me and mommy, and incidentally made two people cry at the same time. on opposite ends of the country. to be honest, i can’t believe how much a boy and a tiger made two boys and a mommy so happy.
Q: Do you think the relationship between Rocky and Apollo could be considered the original bromance?
— Kevin McB, Oakland, N.J.
SG: No way. The original bromance was Lewis and Clark. I’d break down the others like this: Costanza and Seinfeld (funniest); Norm and Cliff (second funniest); Diggler and Rothchild (third funniest); Borat and Azamat (grossest); O.J. and A.C. (most controversial); the Rat Pack (most influential); Kimmel and Carolla (drunkest); Puffy and Biggie after Biggie died (most shameless); Flintstone and Rubble (best animated); Mike and the Mad Dog (most tragic); Kurt Warner and Jesus (most inspirational); Jules and Vincent Vega (most violently entertaining); McEnroe and Fleming (most one-sided); Kobe and Shaq (most destructive); Lincoln and Derickson (most suspicious); Damon and Affleck (wealthiest); Tom and Jerry (most psychotic); Cagney and Lacey (just kidding); Michael Jackson and Emmanuel Lewis (openly creepiest); Bob Crane and John Carpenter (secretly creepiest); Spade and Farley (best one-time chemistry that couldn’t be recreated, even by them); King and Favre (most gushing); Lennon and McCartney (most successful); Parker and Stone (most creative); A-Rod and Jeter (most contrived); Clapton and Harrison (biggest backstab); Chuck D and Flava Flav (most unlikely); Siegfried and Roy (best romance bromance); McConaughey and Armstrong (most appearances without a shirt); Bauer and Almeida (most exciting); Wilbon and Kornheiser (most reliable); De Niro and Pesci (best mafia); Redford and Newman (coolest); Simon and Garfunkel, Malone and Stockton, Madden and Summerall (tie for “best fit”); Scottie and Michael (most titles); Hanks and Scolari (biggest disparity of talent); Rocky and Apollo, Daniel-San and Miyagi, Buck and Aikman (tie for “most uncomfortable”); Clooney and Pitt (most overrated); Kirk and Spock, Tango and Cash (tie for “most unintentional comedy”); McNulty and Bunk, Big Papi and Manny (tie for “most underrated”); T-Mac and Vince (least likable); Felix and Oscar (best contrast); and Red and Andy (the greatest bromance ever), with Red and Andy’s beach hug in Mexico doubling as the single greatest bromance moment. Thank you and please drive through.
the take five candy bar is not half bad. for those unfamiliar, it’s the candy bar that has not only chocolate and peanut butter, but also a pretzel inside. normally i wouldn’t go for such a bar, but i happened to purchase one a few nights ago. i’m glad i did. it made for a prefect way to end my dinner. well played, take five. well played.